The Most Whatever Time of the Year
Sooo, a few weeks ago I was in the Trader Joes on Union Square (NYC, not SF), buying various sundry items for my home or place of business. If you've never been to the Trader Joes in New York, the ONLY Trader Joes in the 5 boroughs, I can only say: I have walked through the shadow of the valley of death, and it is waiting in line for 40 minutes to buy peanut butter filled pretzels, feta cheese in brine, and a 99 cent advent calendar. Suffice to say, I got up to the register, plopped down my shopping basket, and was greeted with one of the most peppy, friendly cashiers I have ever encountered in my life. I mean, girl was on speed or something. Noticing my advent calendar, she asked me what my favorite christmas song was. I had been at work all day, entering names into a computer (for the good of art) and mumbled something like, "Oh I dunno old stuff like bing crosby maybe, god, you know, i mostly hate christmas music..." She nodded perkily as I rambled on about whatever, until she interrupted me with, "The best Xmas song is that one by, like, George Michael, you know, (she started singing here) "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart..." You know what I mean:
So anyway, I had to agree with her on that one. It's pretty great. So she's going on about all this, when she busts out with, "...because damn, george michael is one fine lookin' man!" In my head I was all, "GEORGE MICHAEL? The singer-songwriter?! Are you for serious, girlfriend?" But I just nodded my head in agreement, because at this point she had stopped ringing up my groceries, and was apparently going into a solliloquy about How Sad It Is That George Michael Is Gay and All The Fine Men Are Gay and Damn, If Only I Were A Gay Man... (I was all, is this the ghost of fag-haggotry past, showing me myself in high school and how annoying I was?) She pointed out all her cute gay coworkers, and was going to start in on something else when she finally finished ringing up my goods.
Anyway, I got out of bizarro-Trader Joes (seriously, straight women finding George Michael Attractive? In 2006? It boggles the mind!) and walked to the subway, thinking about my pathetic response to her xmas music question. I mean, I could have mentioned that Mariah Carey song that seems to be playing on repeat in places like forever 21 during the holidays:
That's catchy. Or what about that TLC christmas song, which I also heard in Forevs 21:
(and now a moment of silence, for Lisa "left eye" lopez, RIP) (god, T-boz is such a dyke!)
But I guess the penultimate pop Christmas song would have to be something that occured in 1977, when I guess everyone was on coke and decided it would be a good idea to pair David Bowie with Bing Crosby to sing "The little drummer boy" and make awkward, awkward conversation.
I think Bing Crosby died really soon after this video was shot. I mean, he IS dead, right? I'm not just pulling that out of my ass, I hope. Also, didn't it come to light recently that he beat his wife and kids?