If You Want to Destroy My Fall Out Boy
Okay, I get it, I get it: nobody enjoys my Fall Out Boy posts except me. I spent hours slaving away on my "introduction to crybaby-eyeliner-poppy-mall-metal that the kids seem to like so much right now" post for you people, which was both clever AND comprehensive, and what did I get from you people in return? Not a single comment. Not a one! I mean, excuse me if I'm driven to try to understand a culture where Zach Braff can be considered totally intelligent and good-looking and people use the word "guyliner" in absolute seriousness, okay? After that, I thought I was out of the Fall Out Boy-related post business for good. But something still haunted me. There was something about Fall Out Boy that I just couldn't make sense of, something about their appeal that I couldn't put my finger on. I mean, yeah, of course, they're like if AFI gang-banged Heidi from "The Hills" and then they had a baby and then threw it in a dumpster, but I felt there had to be something more to explain their colossal and confounding popularity. Something I was missing. Until I saw this Fall Out Boy video where a monkey steals Pete Wentz's girlfriend and then there's some explosions and stuff, and it all became just too clear to me: Fall Out Boy are the Weezer for our times:
First album Weezer, I mean. Before all that weird Harvard-celibate-freak-out stuff. So, what, does that make Panic at the Disco the Ozma of their generation or something? I don't even want to fucking thing about it.
Bonus question: who would you rather spend a Saturday night with: Rivers Cuomo or Pete Wentz? I'm sure they're both so intolerable in their asshattery that it would become, like, a human rights violation, but I'd go with Wentz. He is more likely to do something accidentally hilarious, I think. Didn't he try to OD on Tylenol PM once or something?