The Accordion Connection

Simone says there's a popular indie rock band called the "Accordion Connection, you know, that one with all the guys on stage at once, and one of them has a drum? You know who I mean". Anyway, this is an unrelated blog of bitchin' YouTube videos.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Vandalism Overpass

It has been established, on this blog (and in, you know, the world) that Prince is one crazy ass bitch. It is a point that I have made on this blog time and time and time and time and time and time again.

You'd think I'd've run out for things to say. But then I turned on the tv this evening and what did I see? Prince himself, wearing a black and white one-sleeved harlequin print cape... thing. And Adam Ant-esque makeup. Performing one of the worst songs I have ever heard. Yes yes y'all, it was Graffiti Bridge.

Ohmigod, this movie! It's so horrible, yet so fascinating, and I couldn't look away. It's like the gayest train wreck you've ever seen. From what I cobbled together from wikipedia, apparently Graffiti Bridge was supposed to be the sequel to Purple Rain. Prince reprises his role as "The Kid," as does Morris Day and the Time. And that's pretty much where any semblance of it being sequel ends. Apparently the whole plot has something to do with Morris Day being the, like, feudal lord of the nightclub world of Minneapolis, and The Kid is downtrodden and just wants to make beautiful music about the lord, man! And wear amazingly ridiculous clothing. At one point, Prince performs wearing a one-shouldered black jersey jumpsuit with a heart painted on his bare chest that has "beat me" written inside of it. SERIOUSLY.

Of course, Prince being the crazy bitch he is, there are no videos from Graffiti Bridge available online. EXCEPT THIS ONE. Which is a remix video some bored person made out of the trailer. And is actually pretty funny.



In other interesting Graffiti Bridge facts, George Clinton, Marva Staples, and the young Tevin Campbell all have small roles in it. Why did they agree to this? I assume George Clinton was probably toked out of his mind, Marva didn't know what was going on, and poor young Tevin was like 12 and had no idea what he was getting into. Madonna, who you may remember from such self-indulgent gems as "Truth or Dare" and the extremely well received "Who's That Girl" TURNED DOWN a role in Graffiti Bridge because it was so poorly written.

Anyway, in my attempt to find videos of Prince, I found this totally bizarre, incredibly poor quality video of James Brown at some weird telethon calling Michael Jackson, and then Prince himself up to the stage. Prince piggyback rides his bodyguard up to the stage, and then humps a guitar for approximately 30 seconds, before letting out a shriek and exiting the stage, but not before knocking over part of the set. CRAZY. BITCH.

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Monday, March 17, 2008

Speak! A Critical Re-evaluation of the Best Record by Lindsay Lohan That I Bet You Forgot Even Existed

In light of what we now know about Blow-han, this song is pretty ironic. You're just having "fun", eh, Lind-saaaaay?



I was trying to write a sentence under here along the lines of "Lindsay singing this is like X", but all I kept coming up with was weird jokes about Holocaust deniers. Odd!

Moving along!



Do you remember how they let her DIRECT this???



I wanna come first, too, Linds. We all do.

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teedle-lee-hee

Today is St. Patrick's day. And if there's anything I love, it's makin' fun of Micks.



Hah!

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Sunday, March 16, 2008

This Came on As a Commercial While I Was Watching "Coyote Ugly"

Everything that you think is funny enough to blog about while drunk is probably going to be just as funny when you're sober, right? Right, guys? Guys????

Saturday, March 08, 2008

The Original Pussies

The other day I was listening to CBS-FM, ("the greatest hits of all time!") with all of the old ladies from, like, Long Island and North Jersey, and "Paint is Black" by the Rolling Stones came on. Now, like most people, I went through a period in high school where I thought the Stones were, like, really good. They were deep. And rocking. And very, very cool. The thing is, I'm sure there are plenty of grown people out there who are willing to agree with this. Or, even if you're not into the Rolling Stones, and are pretty ambivalent, it's like, yeah, they are good musicians, you have respect for them, etc.

HOWEVER.

Has no one else stopped to think that with this song, the Rolling Stones are THE ORIGINATORS OF EMO? I mean, have you ever actually listened to "Paint it Black?"

Let's listen now:


Ohmigod. Okay, "I see a red door and I want to paint it black/NO COLOR ANYMORE I WANT IT TO TURN BLACK." Oh woe is you Mick Jagger life is so hard wah wah... "I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes/I have to turn my head until my darkness goes." Not the darkness! oh no, the girls! and the darkness!

This could be a song by Dashboard Confessional. It sounds like they should consider collaborating with Fall Out Boy.

Or maybe they should just give in and finally join the black parade.

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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

The Most Offensive Performance by a Racist Hooker Marionette That You Will See Today*

* (unless you lead a very, very different life than I).


Last night Simone and I were having a discussion about how Winona Ryder looks so bony and weird these days, she sort of resembles the puzzlingly popular 1970s hand puppet "Madame" (it's true, look at any picture of her taken these days. Nonie needs to eat a muffin). This, of course, sent us wheeling down some of the weirder back alleys of the internets in pursuit of more information about this "Madame", and this is what we found out:

1. She is puppeteered by a mo named Wayland Flowers, who totally can't even be bothered to throw his voice

2. Madame had no problem working around hooker puppets who embody the worst in racial stereotypes.

3. For a puppet, she certainly has no problem making beej jokes.

All of these facts are confirmed by the video below, though you'll have to wait until 3:14 minutes in for the hooker puppet:

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Sunday, March 02, 2008

Touch My Bod-ay! TOUCH IT!

Gaby and I both agree that we love that Mariah Carey has (apparently) finally made peace with the fact that she has become too famous to live any semblance of a normal life, and consequently is just camping it up TO THE EXTREME. I mean, just have a look at her video for her new single, "Touch My Body":



I mean, first of all, the song itself is an amazing pop gem. She's singing about making a sex tape. And youuu-tuuuuube. And then she sings, bizarrely, "I will hunt you down!" With all that, and lines like "I want you to caress me like a tropical breeze," this song is just ACHING for some drag queen performance action. Not to mention the video: First of all, that "nerd" guy is not supposed to be gay? like, in real life he's a totally obnoxious gay comedian, right? And the outfits! A drag dream! AND THERE'S A UNICORN. I mean, really. It doesn't get much better. Don't change, Mimi. Don't ever change.

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Saturday, March 01, 2008

Hot Buns!



...Must...eat...whole...grains...while...dancing...erotically....

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