The Softest Butch...
...is a 13 year old pop star named Justin Bieber. I am assuming he's 13, because really, I don't want to actually do any research about this child. But, OMG, check out his non-threatening lesbian haircut! The clothes work for it to! The first time I saw one of this kid's videos on TV I was really shocked that they were marketing an adorable dyke to the teenagers. Okay, maybe that's just my own personal fantasy, but seriously, fucking look at this kid:
Omg! So lesbionic! So "'Non-threatening Boys' magazine"!
Also, according to that video, he knows Usher. GAY!
But okay, here's where I get angry. This song:
"One Less Lonely Girl." Alright, I heard this on the z100 the other day, and the lyrics... well, let's just read the ones that piss me off: "I'm gonna put you first/I'll show you what you're worth". AUGH! No, 12 year old boy, fuck you. Girls do NOT NEED BOYS IN ORDER TO FEEL VALIDATED OR WHOLE OR SOMETHING!!! JUSTIN BIEBER IS THE PATRIARCHY! Arrrrgggghhhh!!!!
Also, apparently 12 year olds love to hang out in laundromats these days? The times, they are a changin'.
In conclusion, wouldn't it be awesome if Justin Bieber was actually the softest butch in deep undercover 13 year old boy drag? That would rule. But he isn't, and also he's a tool of the patriarchy, so boo-urns.
Additionally, I would love to know what Beavis and Butthead would say about this kid! Huh-huh-huh.