Simone says there's a popular indie rock band called the "Accordion Connection, you know, that one with all the guys on stage at once, and one of them has a drum? You know who I mean". Anyway, this is an unrelated blog of bitchin' YouTube videos.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Drag me to HELLLLLLL
If you haven't already seen DRAG ME TO HELL, Sam Raimi's return to horror flicks, what the HELL is wrong with you?!!!
It's got everything! Gypsy curses! Demons! Seances! And an amazing thing with a kitten that I can't tell you about but man... Raimi is back in fine form.
Who is this "Sam Raimi," you ask? Well, duh, he only directed the Evil Dead Trilogy! Which is the best! Evil Dead
Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn
Evil Dead III: Army of Darkness*
As you can tell, Sam Raimi gets it. His horror is campy, funny, and not just a thinly veiled excuse to get off on women being tortured and killed. Also: awesome gore! The one thing I'll say about DRAG ME TO HELL is that I prefer the ridiculous creature effects of yore. CGI gore and evil just don't quite do it like karo syrup with red food coloring mixed in, you know what I mean?
That's right, it's Eurovision song contest time! The time of year when European countries come together to celebrate the most ridiculous pop music they have to offer! Perhaps you remember past winners, Finnish gods of hard rock, LORDI? And can we ever truly forget that Vampires Are Alive? (Oh DJ Bobo, you so crazy!)
No, once you have seen what Eurovision has to offer, you can never un-see it. It is seared into your psyche forever. With that in mind, let's take a look at this years finalists! Only the most crazy, please!
First up we have the Czech Republic. The band is called "Gipsy.cz" and the song is called "Aven Romale." From what I've garnered from watching this video, the lead singer guy is a good gypsy who fights the evil gypsies and protects them from stealing your gold fillings/children or something. Whatever, there are gypsies! Hilarious!
Those Eastern European former soviet-bloc countries are always good for some craptasticly absurd pop music, am I right?
Next on our international tour of trash we have Bulgaria.
Is there anything better than eurotrash disco music videos set in the middle ages?
Maybe some slutty "Balkan Girls" from Romania:
Sluts from Turkey?
This guy in white pants from Russia?
We finally have an answer to the eternal question: Are we human, or are we dancer?
"I am dancer. And twins!"
Hungary's vision of our gay dystopian robo-homo future:
I am 1/4 Hungarian and my heart is swelling with pride. Single tear.
Like, what is even going on here, Belgium? I wish I knew how songs get chosen to be in eurovision. Like, are all of the record companies bribing the government? Is it like American Idol where "the people" vote? I mean, is this really what's popular in Belgium right now? Is it possible there are THAT MANY cheesy rockabilly people populating the country?
Also, Dear The Netherlands: First of all, the band you nominated is named "The Toppers." Do I have to explain to you what it means to be a "top" in the gay community? Because, like, this video is the gayest. Well, more like, it's as if everyone's dad came out of the closet and decided that it was time to "jazz it up a bit! Fosse!"
Alright, that's just about all I can deal with right now. I'd like to note that this year the contest is being held in Moscow, making it even more cheesy than usual. If that is in fact possible. And god knows who will win, but it will never be better than this:
That was a real high water mark for Eurovision. Come back Lordi! Eurovision needs you!
I saw this thing on mtv before this music video came out where the black eyed peas were talking about making this video and it was the MOST PRETENTIOUS THING EVER. Like, they were talking about how it's supposed to be about the future and like "becoming digital" or something. OMG, guys, I wish I could find it but there's only so many minutes (two) of my time that I am willing to spend researching the black eyed peas.
ANYHOO, wow, remember the black eyed peas? They sure are terrible. And they're back! With a serviceable but lame pop song that uses (SHOCKER) autotune! Wow, who would have though the completely original and unique BEPs would jump on that (played out) wagon!
Anyway, welcome to "Tron 2.0: The Re-Tronening!"
Okay, I'll admit that "I'm so 3008/you're so two thousand and late" is a turn of phrase worthy of Shakespeare. This much I know is true!